"Tutu" was born in Buffalo, NY on July 20, 1975. He was much loved and is deeply missed by all his friends and family.
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I met Tutu through my family and the first thing I said to him is "Dang, you're cute" we laughed and I left. From that point on I teased him every time I saw him. We used to just laugh and talk and we developed a strong bond and friendship with one another. We started to hang out together and eventually fell for one another. The last time I saw him was the night of January 9th, he was going to take a friend to the MARTA station. The look in his eyes and the glow on his face was pure LOVE. Stevie always told me that he was okay with God and if anything happened to him he was good. That morning when I got up to go to work I didn't want to leave but we were making plans to go to Buffalo that weekend. He called me during the day at work because that's what he did,he call and tell me how his day was going and check to see how my day was going. When I got home it was as if we hadn't seen each other in days. When he left to go to the Marta station, I didn't want to let him go, his last words to me were "I'll be right, right back, mama" the next thing I knew he was gone. I can't believe he's gone and I hurt so bad and my mind is always racing. We had plans to get married in April of this year. Tutu, I know you're looking out for me, because we haven't finished yet!
Tutu,
You're gone but never forgotten. I can't stop the tears from coming, I miss you so much, my best friend, my fiance, my biggest fan, I miss you. I miss your smile and oh how I miss your laughter. And in all that I thank you for all you brought to me!
It's hard for me but I moved (against my wishes) from our old apartment. It's hard because that's where people knew to find you and I'm still having to tell people that you're gone, because they're still just finding out. I have to relive that night and then try to console them as they console me. I'm coming to your gravesite (I know you're not there, just your body),it's something that I feel strongly about. I'm having a real hard time with the firsts. Every month it's something new and this month has been really difficult! I had to make it through the 4th, now our birthday's are coming up and I still hurt just like it happened today. I wrote a letter to your father and I hope to hear back from him soon. You've brought many people into my life and they're continuing to hold onto me until we meet again. I love you and miss you! I think of you all the time. I can smile when I talk to others about my life with you and then I begin to cry because as the song said "we haven't finished yet". There were so many things we wanted to do and places we wanted to go, you're always in my heart and I know you're looking out for me, tell my daddy "hi" for me and that I still love and miss him too!
I made it to Buffalo, I drove for 23 hours trying to get there, I made one wrong turn and it took forever. My mother made the opportunity for me and she went with me. We stayed at your moms house and for me it was coming home. Tutu I first went to your grave with your mom and we stopped by "Honey's" on the way. I told her I know she came and got our baby. Later on that day I was able to what I really wanted to do and that was visit the site by myself. I sat out there (it was a beautiful day) on a pillow beside your grave and I talked and read the letters I've written to you out of my journal. I cried, I laughed and I cried somemore. It was beautiful and felt your presence there with me. I saw some of your family and friends alike while I was there. Tutu, I got a letter from your dad on your birthday. He said he felt that you were communicating to him through me. He remembers your last words to him also "I love you, dad". I remember so much the places we wanted to go and the things we wanted to do. I know that I can still do those things and go those places, but the appeal is all gone without you. Stevie I love you, want you, need you, but most of all, BABY I MISS YOU!
My First Christmas In Heaven
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessings or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
"Tutu" was born on July 20, 1975 in Buffalo, NY.
"Honey" came and got him on January 10th, 2007 just after midnight.
Tutu I miss you!
My First Christmas In Heaven
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessings or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
Two years ago I had the best thanksgiving that I had ever had. Last year was great! This year I'm so lost without you. I tried to keep it simple and remember the good times that we shared. But....... the bottom line is I miss you with my whole heart, my entire being longs for you. I can't imagine how much pain your family is enduring, but the pain just won't stop for me. Stevie, I love you and I miss you.
Oh Stevie,
The pain just won't stop! I know your baby brother joined you last night. We're in shock and oh so much pain! I'm confused, I'm lost and I'm lonely. My heard is bleeding from so much pain, we can't take anymore. God please stop this, don't let us keep going through this. if there is a lesson we need to learn maybe you should ask God to make it plain so that we don't have to endure anything else like this! I want to scream, I want to run! No one understands my pain! GOD HAVE MERCY ON US ALL!
On Friday 11/2/07 Your murderer pled "guilty" and received a sentence of life in prison with the possibility of parole in 30 years. Your mother spoke on your behalf and there wasn't a dry eye in the place when she finished. It was so beautiful. Then surprise of all surprises the murderer apologized to us all. There wasn't a soul in sight on his behalf other than his attorney, it was sad. However I now understand the meaning of "bittersweet victory"-yes it's over and he pled guilty, and he's going to jail for a long time, however nothing can bring you back and I would rather have you than all the riches in the world. You're truly missed. I love you and I'll see you on the other side!
Today is a hard day for me, I'm so lonely for you. I miss you so bad. I've accepted that you're alright, but I'm not. I'm dreaming of you every night and when I wake up in the morning light I hurt so bad. I hear your laughter in my dreams and I can even laugh with you, I see your smile and I remember when I wake up how happy I was when you were here and how lost I feel without you. Keeping praying for me, keep smiling down on me, keep loving me and I'll see you again someday.
Hi Stevie,
Sitting here today, it's been a hard month, so much has gone wrong. Where are you baby? I need to hear your voice, your laughter, I need to see your smile, the light in your eyes. I'm so lonely, so lost without you. They say time heals all wounds, yet the pain is still raw, and fresh. The wound is still open, I don't know what it takes to get some type of closure, I keep asking myself what I could have done to keep you here with me. I thought by now I at least would have cried out, I haven't, the hurt and tears are fresh every moment of the day. I hear a song and think of you I cry, I see something on t.v and I cry, I picture you smiling, laughing, dancing and I cry! You gave me so much hope, joy and confidence. I need you! I miss you! I love you! Come back to me!
When someone you love dies, you suddenly realize the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.
No more hugs,No more lucky moments to celebrate together,
No more phone calls just to chat,No more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away.Never to return before we can say good-bye, Say "I Love You."
So while we have it,it's best we love it,care for it and fix it when it's broken and take good care of it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage .... And friendships .
And children with bad report cards; And dogs with bad hips;
And aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it,Because we cherish them!
Some things we keep --Like a best friend who moved away
Or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that Make us happy, No matter what.
Life is important, And so are the people we know ..
And so, we keep them close!
Hi Tutu, I know you were smiling down on me this weekend! I celebrated for you, I celebrated for Jenni Craig and most of all after saying that I wasn't going to do it anymore, I celebrated my birthday too! I know that you're proud that the tears are slowing down a little bit. I dream about you more often and we're always laughing and having fun as we did everyday. I miss listening to your laughter as it rumbled through your chest! So YES BABY I CELEBRATED IN HONOR OF US ALL, Making sure were represented well! I love you and miss you and I'll see you on the other side.
I started to build my tribute to "Tutu" today.
I don't know why I stopped writing in this journal. It's amazing that when my family and friends find out that I still cry myself to sleep some times, or that I still cry for my loss of you, that they wonder if something is wrong with me. People it's called grieving, and it's a process. For some it takes longer than others. It doesn't mean that one loved more or less than the other it just means the process is not yet complete for the other person.